Saturday, February 28, 2009

in loving memory of panadol ong 21 august 2003 - 1 march 2009


The only family members I reckon has passed away is my grandpa and my lill beethoven....
having endured the sadness of my mix dobermann passing made me worried that i'd lose my other two babies.. gissmo(a welsh corgi look alike) and panadol(my own baby shih tzu)...

i know that life is but a passing moment where the ones we love will inevitably leave us some day sometime... i'd juz din anticipate that a major heartbreak was impending....
my dear child panadol ong havin escaped from his room has explored the outside world of our home i mean it's not as if it's his first time in fact perhaps he's done it several million times but juz that one day 13th of february after coming home from his escapement gosh i make him sound like a refuge... he started showing symptoms of poisoning... vomiting lack of appetite ...
dad did everything he could actually like giving him some magic grass, brought him to visiting vets from kl who say they couldn't do anything coz they were no facilities to carry out diagnosis.. labuan vet(the vet in labuan is @@#$% STUPID!!!!!!) i know i'm not suppose to like curse but seriously they're too F^&*#^& STUPID to be spared from ostracism.. feeding him with all sorts of delicacy but it din work... em damn malay vets in labuan so damn afraid to touch dogs... don deserve to call themselves vet... suckers!!

if it not had been they're stupid owh i'm so scared to touch dogs @#$$ attitude i wouldn't have lose my child damn it!!gosh my dear baby :(

I still can remmeber the day that i was so ecstatic for his arrival.. 11 november 2003.... I was the fourth person in the family to touch him and boy was i pissed... but anyway he's a real beauty... always so pump up and crazy running about everywhere like a dog infected with rabies except the fact that he isn't...

I still remember how i would rehearse my public speaking speech close to his face and he's wag his tail and how he's sit between two stairs so he'd feel cooler..


I can still remmeber how smart he was, opening his room door to get into the house by pushing his fluffy head into a hole he slowly made from the wire covering the metal door and pulling it backwards to open it.. and how fast he learn how to roll ( he learned that in half an hour) and have lasting memory of how to do it... how he roll around our beds secretly (i can picture his evil grin) sometimes peeing on them.... how he spoiled the weighing scale by peeing on it hundreds of times...

when he was a baby his grandma, my mum use to put bananas under the kitchen table in a basket.... and soon were shocked to discover the bananas regularly had holes in them.... and one day caught the thief red handed.. he was eating them and since he was so tiny he only managed to make tiny holes in them.... and how when we peeled it and gave it to him, he refuses to eat it... he peels the banana himself =O by holding it in two paws and bitting the tip and moving his head from right to left to peel it..........

or how he'd get really constipated when he ate peanut that his grandma threw from the table..

how he use to do the olympic rounds around the living room while carrying a floor mat everytime we teased him....

how he bit me and dad when we tried to cut his nails or inject him....


gosh there's juz so much things to talk bout my baby... indeed lill panadol was a joy to the family though sometimes he causes headaches here and there.. he was definitely the best son i could hope for...

gosh this is definitely the downest moment of my life.... havin turned into a teenager 6 years ago, i never thought i'd cry like a child again... except this is a prolonged version of the loud wailing... during the loss of beethoven i cried too but at least i was there when he left... unlike panadol........ i am a bad mum.... seriously i let him down :'( how could i... how could i....... he was there for me when i had to keep moving houses in form 5 he moved with me wherever i went he went... but wherever he goes i din follow and now i can never make ammendments for that )':

gosh the baby of my life has left me broken defeated.. seriously i don't know how to explain this excrutiating pain of my heart.... i can't even say it's bleeding coz i feel as thought my heart is chopped into pieces... honestly one of the most vital assets in my life... has abandoned me..

6.30 malaysian time dad found him soaked in blood.. he vomited blood before he died... and i wasn't there :'( i left him to suffer and die alone sigh


gosh i juz can't picture seeing his room empty.. panadol u selfish child :'( how can u wrench my heart by ur absence.... i can't take it :'(
his children are now orphans... havin their mum and dad pass away... panadol's wife passed away early november 2008... sigh panadol you will always be my baby forever and ever...... you'll always be a part of me..... I love u panadol hugs and kisses....... always and always to the end... thank u to his grandpapa for getting fin's husband to bury him at the back garden of the house.. at least he'd always be close to home where baby won't be hurt anymore...


u don't know baby how broken mama feels right now... u'll never know coz u've left mama all alone....... my baby.. when u first arrived i have always told myself u'll live till ur 14 and be my ringbearer in mama's wedding... but ur gone :'( mama miss u so so much but mama will love u always eventhough u have left mama. i guess no more mother's day for me....

baby there's always be that spot in mama's heart that will always belong to you...

no matter how many times u bite mama, u'll always be the apple of my eye... take care my dear son....take care...

Monday, February 16, 2009

some of the events that occured in the past month

these are some events that had occured that i actually have pictures of (so many of which i don =.=) but anyway they're memorable ... owh and i'll complete my emo nemo post another day and that one i'll include many of u ppl....

kim's belated bday celebration the last day of seeing joa and leow :( mr.chan and will rock my sunnies lar... :D owh the guy in red... is kevin chiew me sam classmate who's goin to sydney with me yeah :) i'll see u there soon boy..


CNY at chris house :) from left moi, chris, thomas... top right pic.. sher, chris baby whom i'm gonna miss like &^% :( and me, bottom right dwayne and chee kong a.k.a scarlet ur handsome XP (inside joke)


awwww look at the superstar teddy bear :) miss world wave wei.....


random pics here and there heh omg i accidentally put the dwayne and scarlett's pic up again haha


look at chris mama playing cars wei bottom left pic.....she sure can get the cards flipping...


the karaoke screen in NEWAY........ karaoke day with chui nee, xavier, tneh, jian meng, mark, kim , jeff, calvin tay...




whoa look at tneh and calvin top right pic and jian meng and xavier in bottom right..... semangat karaoke weih...


kp's house :) look at cute dam dam the doggy hehe i dressed her in the cheongsam tutu dress :) and wouldn't let her go haha the boys meanwhile mahjong and carrom while i cuddled the cute lil baby :)


everyone (:


day out with angela from lab whom i've not seen for a year! she's doin music in sedaya btw goin to pursue masters like wat my mama did lol ;) ate at kenny rogers then lepak then movie... guess wat movie =O omg ahha i'm lame =.= look at the sunnies i tried =P hawt eh haha in a disgusting kinda way XP


day out with daryl in midvalley someone i've not seen for ages either... :D :D... my dear friend who knows all my antics hehe... went movieing. (benjamin button) ps: he thought it was meaningful and nice... i thought it was a lill draggy =.= after that went romas.... zomg the bill =.= was exorbitant... i din even finish my pasta so much! hey daryl i'll be praying for ur spm results :)


church ppl :D most of them imu ppl except agape hehe bottom my right hehe she use to be in the same lifegroup as me (:


everyone... i would reli like to thank the u nite of subang group of 2008 for everything :) which include the warm friendship that they share, caring concern they inevitably show to everyone, their genuity in loving one another with the love of god :) the list just goes on and on la hehe.. Max ur an awesome leader.. keep it up yeah...


day out with from left moto2, mr.awesome and bacon XD hehe yeah i gave them all names.... cheeky is what defines me weeeee heh... and this picture reminds me how extremely tiny or should i say SHORT between them =.=

owh we each had our own SS picture due to timothy a.k.a mr.awesomeness attraction for my camie..... so yeah mine bacon (jason) and moto moto (marcel) picwere all taken by tim while tim's pic i can't remmeber who took it he took so many 0.O i lost count haha


awwwwww i'm gonna miss u kuching people so much esp since marcel and bacon are goin uk to study... our holidays will totally not intersect =( now that is smth i emo about.... i'm facing the prospect of not seeing u2 for like hmmmmmmmm a couple of years :'( don't u dare forget me!!! esp u bacon since u've known be the longest bwahahaha.... ps : i'll always love ur tiny eyes and moleSSSS emphasise the S hehe sigh :'( and owh tim! remmeber i'm ur bridesmaid! i book ady ahha... marcel.. i'm not there to bully u anymore )= but that doesn't mean ur free from my bugging teehee


their farewell for me in chillis haha the plan was to go for paddington waffles after that but mama don let coz it was getting dark gotta go home early =.= anyway (= supposed to have movie but then the queue =.= is longer than timothy's crapping haha... so we entertained ourselves... eating durian pancake... and erm it's awkward sayin this but we were looking at lotsa lotsa baby clothes and prams >.<
which explains this picture XP... i was like the pregnant mother =.= betcha shop assistants were trying to figure who's da dad XD

imprints of a picture... it definitely says more than a thousand words......

Sunday, February 15, 2009

back home

camwhoring in financial park labuan's one and only shopping mall -.- and even then it's only as big as 1/6 of sunway haha all kl ppl go =O

but then this is wat labuan ppl pride of :) our beautiful beach :D

u leave me tongue tied...

soto :D why kl arr so cha it's like so rare to get it in kl... but in labuan :) ulala so yummy yummylicious ,... licks lips...


hehehe

pang yen yang got bullied haha carry our bags XD us girls jennifer, mei san me and marieanne my mei san haha after so so long we finally meet :) miss sitting with ya in high school :( owh and check out the goat haha

horsey :D hey ppl if u happen to come labuan when i'm back i'll bring u horse riding leh :) only 10 bucks for a round :D cheap bargain woah... initially it's kinda scary ahha but after awhile u get the hang of it and it gets really fun :D honest!
OUCH!!!! &^%$$#*@*#^*&^ haha a bad bad fall on the road near utama jaya =.= i'm clumsy as an elephant the day before i cut my own thumb while slicing ginger to cook =.= i'm miss clumsy =.= the injury was quite bad lo bleed for a week... it's healed now but the skin came out again due to scrapping it against my luggage by accident and again !&#%*#)$)#@*@haha

but the bandage made me look like a football player :D


teacher's roziah latest addition to the brood :) so cute haha she now has five sons omg
my dear kindergarten friend :) with a boyfriend now ahaa hey oswin u better jaga her or i'll hunt u down and kick ur ass haha kidding..... i'm not that violent la am i =0

daddy hehe looking hmmmm sophisticated heh in his nurse's nancy wedding :) we all went hehe
my son one and only son panadol :) i mizz u baby :'(
u stay alive and be my ring bearer next time will ya :D

my other baby gissmo :'( since losing beethoven one year plus back i juz feel afraid that u 2 will leave me sigh
wherever mummy goes... she'll keep u2 close to heart k babies.... goodbye labuan, home.. i'll see u end of this year.....

Sunday, February 8, 2009

NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!

It's true...
I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid!
I don't want to go, not just yet......
I feel guilty seeing those around me so enthusiastic upbeat about goin overseas,
It's not even that I am going alone...
Many are fellow explorers into the land of down under,
Some who are delayed are gravely disappointed,
Yet I feel burdened to set foot on new grounds,
It is no doubt true that life goes on and we'll make new friends,
But......
I just can't seem to let go of what is already carved into me,
Making a paveway for new happenings is somehow for me easier said then done.
There internet connection will be restricted.. time zones will be different,
Communication with back home will undoubtedly be miserably poor,
However, just yday the church (eagles point puchong) was singing a worship song entitled my aim is to please U (referring 2 god fyi)
And i felt even more guilty,
Bcoz I am suppose to go where my god sends me and not where my heart leads me..
So yeah here I am clear of what and where I am suppose to go but yet am sitting down feeling all confused and wrecked,
God i pray u cast away this state of ambiguity and let my mind soar free with peace and tranquility...
I pray I pray that i shall not be afraid

This song by busted everything i knew just mean so much suddenly make me so emo =.= anyway let the meaningful parts play..

Everything I knew just went out the window
Know I can't depend on you - forever
And I never thought I'd see
My life walk away from me
I thought we'd always be - together

Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other

I don't know what to do
Cos your everything that I knew