in loving memory of panadol ong 21 august 2003 - 1 march 2009

The only family members I reckon has passed away is my grandpa and my lill beethoven....

having endured the sadness of my mix dobermann passing made me worried that i'd lose my other two babies.. gissmo(a welsh corgi look alike) and panadol(my own baby shih tzu)...

i know that life is but a passing moment where the ones we love will inevitably leave us some day sometime... i'd juz din anticipate that a major heartbreak was impending....

my dear child panadol ong havin escaped from his room has explored the outside world of our home i mean it's not as if it's his first time in fact perhaps he's done it several million times but juz that one day 13th of february after coming home from his escapement gosh i make him sound like a refuge... he started showing symptoms of poisoning... vomiting lack of appetite ...

dad did everything he could actually like giving him some magic grass, brought him to visiting vets from kl who say they couldn't do anything coz they were no facilities to carry out diagnosis.. labuan vet(the vet in labuan is @@#$% STUPID!!!!!!) i know i'm not suppose to like curse but seriously they're too F^&*#^& STUPID to be spared from ostracism.. feeding him with all sorts of delicacy but it din work... em damn malay vets in labuan so damn afraid to touch dogs... don deserve to call themselves vet... suckers!!

if it not had been they're stupid owh i'm so scared to touch dogs @#$$ attitude i wouldn't have lose my child damn it!!gosh my dear baby :(

I still can remmeber the day that i was so ecstatic for his arrival.. 11 november 2003.... I was the fourth person in the family to touch him and boy was i pissed... but anyway he's a real beauty... always so pump up and crazy running about everywhere like a dog infected with rabies except the fact that he isn't...

I still remember how i would rehearse my public speaking speech close to his face and he's wag his tail and how he's sit between two stairs so he'd feel cooler..


I can still remmeber how smart he was, opening his room door to get into the house by pushing his fluffy head into a hole he slowly made from the wire covering the metal door and pulling it backwards to open it.. and how fast he learn how to roll ( he learned that in half an hour) and have lasting memory of how to do it... how he roll around our beds secretly (i can picture his evil grin) sometimes peeing on them.... how he spoiled the weighing scale by peeing on it hundreds of times...

when he was a baby his grandma, my mum use to put bananas under the kitchen table in a basket.... and soon were shocked to discover the bananas regularly had holes in them.... and one day caught the thief red handed.. he was eating them and since he was so tiny he only managed to make tiny holes in them.... and how when we peeled it and gave it to him, he refuses to eat it... he peels the banana himself =O by holding it in two paws and bitting the tip and moving his head from right to left to peel it..........

or how he'd get really constipated when he ate peanut that his grandma threw from the table..

how he use to do the olympic rounds around the living room while carrying a floor mat everytime we teased him....

how he bit me and dad when we tried to cut his nails or inject him....


gosh there's juz so much things to talk bout my baby... indeed lill panadol was a joy to the family though sometimes he causes headaches here and there.. he was definitely the best son i could hope for...

gosh this is definitely the downest moment of my life.... havin turned into a teenager 6 years ago, i never thought i'd cry like a child again... except this is a prolonged version of the loud wailing... during the loss of beethoven i cried too but at least i was there when he left... unlike panadol........ i am a bad mum.... seriously i let him down :'( how could i... how could i....... he was there for me when i had to keep moving houses in form 5 he moved with me wherever i went he went... but wherever he goes i din follow and now i can never make ammendments for that )':

gosh the baby of my life has left me broken defeated.. seriously i don't know how to explain this excrutiating pain of my heart.... i can't even say it's bleeding coz i feel as thought my heart is chopped into pieces... honestly one of the most vital assets in my life... has abandoned me..

6.30 malaysian time dad found him soaked in blood.. he vomited blood before he died... and i wasn't there :'( i left him to suffer and die alone sigh


gosh i juz can't picture seeing his room empty.. panadol u selfish child :'( how can u wrench my heart by ur absence.... i can't take it :'(
his children are now orphans... havin their mum and dad pass away... panadol's wife passed away early november 2008... sigh panadol you will always be my baby forever and ever...... you'll always be a part of me..... I love u panadol hugs and kisses....... always and always to the end... thank u to his grandpapa for getting fin's husband to bury him at the back garden of the house.. at least he'd always be close to home where baby won't be hurt anymore...

u don't know baby how broken mama feels right now... u'll never know coz u've left mama all alone....... my baby.. when u first arrived i have always told myself u'll live till ur 14 and be my ringbearer in mama's wedding... but ur gone :'( mama miss u so so much but mama will love u always eventhough u have left mama. i guess no more mother's day for me....

baby there's always be that spot in mama's heart that will always belong to you...

no matter how many times u bite mama, u'll always be the apple of my eye... take care my dear son....take care...

some of the events that occured in the past month

these are some events that had occured that i actually have pictures of (so many of which i don =.=) but anyway they're memorable ... owh and i'll complete my emo nemo post another day and that one i'll include many of u ppl....

kim's belated bday celebration the last day of seeing joa and leow :( mr.chan and will rock my sunnies lar... :D owh the guy in red... is kevin chiew me sam classmate who's goin to sydney with me yeah :) i'll see u there soon boy..

CNY at chris house :) from left moi, chris, thomas... top right pic.. sher, chris baby whom i'm gonna miss like &^% :( and me, bottom right dwayne and chee kong a.k.a scarlet ur handsome XP (inside joke)

awwww look at the superstar teddy bear :) miss world wave wei.....

random pics here and there heh omg i accidentally put the dwayne and scarlett's pic up again haha

look at chris mama playing cars wei bottom left pic.....she sure can get the cards flipping...

the karaoke screen in NEWAY........ karaoke day with chui nee, xavier, tneh, jian meng, mark, kim , jeff, calvin tay...

whoa look at tneh and calvin top right pic and jian meng and xavier in bottom right..... semangat karaoke weih...

kp's house :) look at cute dam dam the doggy hehe i dressed her in the cheongsam tutu dress :) and wouldn't let her go haha the boys meanwhile mahjong and carrom while i cuddled the cute lil baby :)

everyone (:

day out with angela from lab whom i've not seen for a year! she's doin music in sedaya btw goin to pursue masters like wat my mama did lol ;) ate at kenny rogers then lepak then movie... guess wat movie =O omg ahha i'm lame =.= look at the sunnies i tried =P hawt eh haha in a disgusting kinda way XP

day out with daryl in midvalley someone i've not seen for ages either... :D :D... my dear friend who knows all my antics hehe... went movieing. (benjamin button) ps: he thought it was meaningful and nice... i thought it was a lill draggy =.= after that went romas.... zomg the bill =.= was exorbitant... i din even finish my pasta so much! hey daryl i'll be praying for ur spm results :)

church ppl :D most of them imu ppl except agape hehe bottom my right hehe she use to be in the same lifegroup as me (:

everyone... i would reli like to thank the u nite of subang group of 2008 for everything :) which include the warm friendship that they share, caring concern they inevitably show to everyone, their genuity in loving one another with the love of god :) the list just goes on and on la hehe.. Max ur an awesome leader.. keep it up yeah...

day out with from left moto2, mr.awesome and bacon XD hehe yeah i gave them all names.... cheeky is what defines me weeeee heh... and this picture reminds me how extremely tiny or should i say SHORT between them =.=

owh we each had our own SS picture due to timothy a.k.a mr.awesomeness attraction for my camie..... so yeah mine bacon (jason) and moto moto (marcel) picwere all taken by tim while tim's pic i can't remmeber who took it he took so many 0.O i lost count haha

awwwwww i'm gonna miss u kuching people so much esp since marcel and bacon are goin uk to study... our holidays will totally not intersect =( now that is smth i emo about.... i'm facing the prospect of not seeing u2 for like hmmmmmmmm a couple of years :'( don't u dare forget me!!! esp u bacon since u've known be the longest bwahahaha.... ps : i'll always love ur tiny eyes and moleSSSS emphasise the S hehe sigh :'( and owh tim! remmeber i'm ur bridesmaid! i book ady ahha... marcel.. i'm not there to bully u anymore )= but that doesn't mean ur free from my bugging teehee

their farewell for me in chillis haha the plan was to go for paddington waffles after that but mama don let coz it was getting dark gotta go home early =.= anyway (= supposed to have movie but then the queue =.= is longer than timothy's crapping haha... so we entertained ourselves... eating durian pancake... and erm it's awkward sayin this but we were looking at lotsa lotsa baby clothes and prams >.<

which explains this picture XP... i was like the pregnant mother =.= betcha shop assistants were trying to figure who's da dad XD

imprints of a picture... it definitely says more than a thousand words......

back home

camwhoring in financial park labuan's one and only shopping mall -.- and even then it's only as big as 1/6 of sunway haha all kl ppl go =O

but then this is wat labuan ppl pride of :) our beautiful beach :D

u leave me tongue tied...

soto :D why kl arr so cha it's like so rare to get it in kl... but in labuan :) ulala so yummy yummylicious ,... licks lips...

hehehe

pang yen yang got bullied haha carry our bags XD us girls jennifer, mei san me and marieanne my mei san haha after so so long we finally meet :) miss sitting with ya in high school :( owh and check out the goat haha

horsey :D hey ppl if u happen to come labuan when i'm back i'll bring u horse riding leh :) only 10 bucks for a round :D cheap bargain woah... initially it's kinda scary ahha but after awhile u get the hang of it and it gets really fun :D honest!

OUCH!!!! &^%$$#*@*#^*&^ haha a bad bad fall on the road near utama jaya =.= i'm clumsy as an elephant the day before i cut my own thumb while slicing ginger to cook =.= i'm miss clumsy =.= the injury was quite bad lo bleed for a week... it's healed now but the skin came out again due to scrapping it against my luggage by accident and again !&#%*#)$)#@*@haha

but the bandage made me look like a football player :D

teacher's roziah latest addition to the brood :) so cute haha she now has five sons omg

my dear kindergarten friend :) with a boyfriend now ahaa hey oswin u better jaga her or i'll hunt u down and kick ur ass haha kidding..... i'm not that violent la am i =0

daddy hehe looking hmmmm sophisticated heh in his nurse's nancy wedding :) we all went hehe

my son one and only son panadol :) i mizz u baby :'(
u stay alive and be my ring bearer next time will ya :D

my other baby gissmo :'( since losing beethoven one year plus back i juz feel afraid that u 2 will leave me sigh

wherever mummy goes... she'll keep u2 close to heart k babies.... goodbye labuan, home.. i'll see u end of this year.....

NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!

It's true...
I am not afraid to admit that I am afraid!
I don't want to go, not just yet......
I feel guilty seeing those around me so enthusiastic upbeat about goin overseas,
It's not even that I am going alone...
Many are fellow explorers into the land of down under,
Some who are delayed are gravely disappointed,
Yet I feel burdened to set foot on new grounds,
It is no doubt true that life goes on and we'll make new friends,
But......
I just can't seem to let go of what is already carved into me,
Making a paveway for new happenings is somehow for me easier said then done.
There internet connection will be restricted.. time zones will be different,
Communication with back home will undoubtedly be miserably poor,
However, just yday the church (eagles point puchong) was singing a worship song entitled my aim is to please U (referring 2 god fyi)
And i felt even more guilty,
Bcoz I am suppose to go where my god sends me and not where my heart leads me..
So yeah here I am clear of what and where I am suppose to go but yet am sitting down feeling all confused and wrecked,
God i pray u cast away this state of ambiguity and let my mind soar free with peace and tranquility...
I pray I pray that i shall not be afraid

This song by busted everything i knew just mean so much suddenly make me so emo =.= anyway let the meaningful parts play..

Everything I knew just went out the window
Know I can't depend on you - forever
And I never thought I'd see
My life walk away from me
I thought we'd always be - together

Lets go back lets rewind to the days that remind me
of all the good times that we spent together
And I don't know why we just let it all slide
When we both knew inside we were right for each other

I don't know what to do
Cos your everything that I knew

First of all happy chinese new year ppl :) gong xi fa chai hehe... i know i've been kinda a lill neglected my blog for a bit been seriously seriously buzy haha.... and if i'm not i'll be hooked playing mafia wars XD on facebook... for those of u who haven't add go add :D ahha i need to recruit members.... lol anyway :) this post is supposedly for the time i spend in the vet erm one month ago the date was 19th December.... went there to aid me ot decide on my career choice as me being an UNDECISIVE person, i had no idea wat i really wanted to do in life and neither do i know god's calling unlike my sisters lol so there i go sis found the number of Segar Veterinary Hospital on lowyat forum lol wth and i called and went there that very afternoon :)
For the first day i stayed at my uncle's place and after that i took the lrt from bukit jalil and then bus to the vet :) the hospital is near leisure mall btw ppl =)

owh this pic kinda lost in this post lol.. actually this cat.... Matt should remember this cat..... We saw it during august hols when we went for some maths class..... and we saw this cat getting bullied darn sad la wei even Matt felt for the cat... MATT we're talking here haha.... so anyway a bigger cat will always bully it and darn sad coz the next day we came back and saw it bullied again despite it being surrendered... and boy the cat's neck was bleeding :'( my heart was crying inside haih......... Matt wanted to step on the bully cat's tail lol hero hero... XP... another day i saw it again this time with Timothy Kuek haha as he went MacD.. and i bought nugget for it :) hehe din eat much some more hehe notty notty kitty..... and juz two or three months back i saw it near AC car park there got steps near the bird cage... it looked frozen cold 0.O with it's mouth bubbling and it's neck still hurt... a tear trickled down my cheek.... OMG the cat i sayang 0.O cannot be dead haih..... I was bothered... but weeks later OMG i saw it :) alive and quickly bought babi for it to eat hehe :) so there above u see it eating happily :) and I was happy too :) hope that someone will take care of it this year :( take care kitty....

anyway to the vet story :P i think i blabbered too much bout kitty ady hehe.... The working hours for vets are insane 0.O like sometimes 12 hours a day or minimum is 8 i think and 6 days a week 0.O like omg omg omg and their starting pay 2k =.= years of studying = 5.... and the course mayb even tougher than medicine 0.o but it's fun la :) the work ehe though undeniably exhausting

this is BEbe :) a shih tzu with cornea ulcer... very hyperactive baby this one is (: extremely excited non stop.... i think she only have one eye left though.... but that din stop this little one from having fun as i saw her trying to gnaw the ball but the ball couldn't stay still for her to bite and she tried to put her paw to stop it from moving but cannot la... the white collar thingy obstruct her movement hehe... was so amusing :)

and this rottweiler had mega wound.... this one very kuai din bark at me... the rest arrrrrrrr noisy bark bark at me =.= ... owh i saw lotsa cats with FLUID pasted on their cage above... the doctor writes his name and the patient's name and illness on a paper and stick it above the cage... so i was thinking flu coz the cat had a watery nose.. apparently it's feline lower urinary intra smth lol... i think 0.O haha memory kabur ady...

owh this doggy :( had nerve problems... and the body posture was stucked to being seen as above... but this dog darn feisty.. wanted to bite the kennel boy when they poke the drip into her.... sad see her :( she looked so helpless haih.. God help her...

kitties lol din really bond with them was more buzy with the doggies :) i actually can't do much hehe coz the kennel boys were actually doin all the jobs and when the vets speak to the patients i can't understand =.= the curse of not knowing cantonese... however they were all patient in answering my questions though and i am deeply thankful for them (=

pom pom :) a dog i fell in love with in the hospital hehe.... he had erm liver insentif... some liver problem but the vet wasn't actually sure wat was truly wrong with the liver so they dripped him and put him on observation....i loved him he's so adorable... he's a pomeranian btw.... the first few days when he was here he was so sick he din eat :( i tried makin him eat but he wouldn't.. when i took off for few days coz grandma was here i was so worried that when i got back he wouldn't be there but he was :) although i pity the owner >.< coz the fees are killer wei..

pom pom dripped hehe.. after a few days when i got back he was eating a bit :) and was very spoilt too (: keep wanting ppl to sayang him hehe... when i opened his cage he will stand and climb on my shoulder :)

the cages ( i rather call them rooms actually) in the ground floor... normally the serious cases are left here for the vets to monitor...... and they get lots of sayang from me hehe.... owh some dogs are very noisy though =.= like seriously very non stop barking.... so Wati, one of the indonesian i think girl worker got so annoyed and paste the yellow colour plastic bag to keep them quite and blur inside hehe....

owh the brown dog there :) her name is coffee and she has pyometra (puss in the womb) she was there for more than a week 0.O a very friendly dog :)... her neighbour on the right is Pangi not in the pic he had root abscess :( meaning his bottom fang was overgrown and it pooked through his face yikes!!! when i saw him my heart pain :( serene bleeding love...

this is the third floor and here most of the dogs in the lock up room are boarding dogs so their generally healthy yays :) ... This shih tzu is a patient though got skin disease so they had to shave him bald hehe so cute :) reminds me of my own baby after the haircut i give him :D

one of the boarding dogs after bath and grooming so cute!

owh this is before OHE hehe of the miniature dachshound.... a young lady this one is :) the most left pic u can see she was still awake but very pening coz the anasthetic they gave her wasn't enuf so she keep turning her head from left to right.. right to left non stop... hehe poor baby... OHE is neutering btw....

during the opt... operating theatre is in second floor as is the lab.... there are also a lot a lot of doggy rooms too

ovary >.< ...

overall i watched like 5 OHE's i think... on one day too bad i was late coz Dr.Ben was doin a OHE cum ceasarian on a cat... i manage to help a lill in reviving the kitten though :) they are all so kind to let me watch :) and juz by watching oso i got tired ady... the second day of work i watched Dr.Lim do 3 OHE straight =.= see oso i tired ady and he was like no arr not tired with a smile.... inside i wonder how on earth they have such stamina.......

owh Dr.Lim can be said to be like my fav doctor hehe i tagged along with him most of the time coz he's very patient and soft heh.... and he was the one who adviced me to go to a law firm first b4 i decide whether i want to do veterinary as the working is juz darn tough..... he's from perak btw :)

owh this shih tzu was a stray.... had a MEGA WOUND as u can see......... i feel so so sad for it and tried to pet it while i can..... hehe i bought treats to let it try :) coz i though stray normally won't have much to eat outside hehe but then after buy I told the assistant vet Evelyn who was placed in charge of me that i wanted to feed it but was told am not allowed to give treats to those on medication =.= so bought healthy snacks for the doggies and boy all of the doggies loved it :)
owh once one of the kennel boy invited me to put the cream on the his wound but i was scared to put some more near the eye... i couldn't do it... i was so scared i'd hurt it....... cause him pain :( and there was the starting point of learning i was not tough enuf to be a vet :'(
initially i was thinking wat if the person who brought this shih tzu to the vet never turn up again 0.O the hospital will rugi... but Dr.Lim taught me that the person had to pay a deposit of RM500 -.- b4 he can leave the shih tzu... I was like HARH!! then extra return back to owner? he say no no sure more than 500 one 0.O

ps.. the shih tzu did go home with his new owner :D

this lill boy use to be a stray and had skin disease....he is very fierce hehe barking non stop when he came in threatening to bite... they were like warning that this baby may bite and so on but when i looked at him :) i couldn't help but love him so i juz went in and first stand afar... and he looked at me with his innocent round eyes :) i moved closer bend and sayang him :) ala he is a demure angel la :) look he even pose for me to take a picture of him :D .....

at the lrt station b4 my last day :) with my uniform (: they lent me this overall top hehe to use so that the bacteria's won't stick on my own shirt... This was Dr.Teh's old uniform that he used when he was a trainee in the hospital hehe.. Dr.Teh the hawt vet haha..... he arrr truly passionate to be a vet la it was always his first choice despite the hard life of a vet.... and he's hot 0.O haha stylo some more know how to pierce ear haha


the stairs that they workers and me :) use to get from one floor to another faster....

the kennel boys they're very kinda la.... they teach me patiently and never expected me to do anything or help....

Dr.Chee... another seriously passionate vet who told me that indeed he enjoys his work very very much :) and is truly contented.... serene was full of admiration as he don't earn much stay in Bangi some more have to feed 5mouths some more.... he has 3 children btw... and he is super super soft softer than sabrina wei 0.o

Dr.Lim :) juz taken a blood sample to send to the lab eheh

Evelyn :) the dear lady who was in charge of me and was so nice to me :) she explained meticulously bout everything :) and repeatedly reminded me over and over not to juz put my hand into the cage and straight away pet the dogs as i always did that =.= hehe cannot resist. although i was wary some of them are quite fierce.

owh this great dane was at the basement.. i followed Dr.Lim down when he brought a rottweiler down to board.... the basement are where dogs who's owners have abandoned are kept... the hospital do not kill them yay :D and instead keep them as blood donors :) like this big baby... however........ these dogs :( will never see light again

haih... and lack a lot of love eventhough the kennel boys try their best to make time to pet them.... they're too buzy at times... they work harder than the vets and earn less 0.O poor doggies... and a lot of them are magnificently humongous.... heh big biggy doggies....

overall the vets allowed me to join them for x-rays, scanning, operations and so much more ;) indeed they were truly truly so kind to me a great thanks to Dr. Chee, Lim, Teh and Ben for allowing me to tagged along eventhough it's actually quite annoying as the clinic is super buzy. Thank u kennel boys :) who are so sweet and patient too and Evelyn for touring me and allowing me to go everywhere i wanna go whenever i wanna go :) and to Dr.John the owner of the hospital despite me never meeting him yet hehe he was at a conference in Thailand then... animal conference how cool hehe

Anyway the reality i learned is that the payment to treat one's pet is not cheap :( a lot of them have to stay overnight and the cost per night ranges from RM40-RM80 for basic treatements or illness like parvovirus.... Some like a dog name Lucky who had vomiting under Dr.Ben stayed for like juz 4 days and his bill was a massive RM 500+ 0.O scanning was Rm90 and blood test Rm70 or 90, x-ray RM90 ......... pom pom fees was sure to be sky high as would be coffee and the rest..... some owners were rich so yeah watever la small matter for them.... but for some 0.O it's not cheap and i saw it in the eyes of some parents who was torn between not spending so much on a dog who's not even guaranteed to survive through treatment and the love for their children who cared so much for the dog...
haih i dunno how to do it :( To charge such exorbitant fees which are actually really needed to run the hospital..... the price of medication of such and all are not cheap....... + with the long working hours 0.o the first two days itself i went in the afternoon and got so tired i skipped dinner........ the next morning breakfast i ate but skipped lunch... i was just too too too exhausted to even eat.... i knew i couldn't do it... haih and i have a slight fear for reptiles so yeah :(

the fees of veterinary is also too high so in the end I decided to do law and commerce and buy vet medical books to read on my own... so that i can go and help the animals in SPCA on a regular basis in the future......... coz the whole idea is to help the animals :) and i will i promise... and hey edwin..... u who is goin to pursue vet :) i can see u really are made to be one :) u have such great passion and commitment that i lack and i really wish u all the best with all my heart :) go be their doctor :D weeeee

tribute to troy this kitten who died :( (dr.lim's patient) we all knew even I knew there was not much hope for little troy when he came in .....

another tribute to this puppy who had distemper... he had the end stage of distemper ady with symptoms of seizures coming every half hour or so... (Dr.Teh patient) Dr.Teh was cursing a lot when the puppy had seizures.... full of deep concern for the little baby... serene was deeply touched...

anyway vet has been awesome and i truly hope to go there again I thank the lord for giving me the opportunity to observe the life of a vet..... this post heh :) since not many ppl know wat goes on in a animal hospital, this is meant to enlighten u all a lill on behind scenes in Segar Veterinary Hospital........... cheers to animal health and rights... cheers to a bright future for animals........

xoxo yours truly,

animal hospital volunteer,

passionate animal lover.