in loving memory of panadol ong 21 august 2003 - 1 march 2009

The only family members I reckon has passed away is my grandpa and my lill beethoven....

having endured the sadness of my mix dobermann passing made me worried that i'd lose my other two babies.. gissmo(a welsh corgi look alike) and panadol(my own baby shih tzu)...

i know that life is but a passing moment where the ones we love will inevitably leave us some day sometime... i'd juz din anticipate that a major heartbreak was impending....

my dear child panadol ong havin escaped from his room has explored the outside world of our home i mean it's not as if it's his first time in fact perhaps he's done it several million times but juz that one day 13th of february after coming home from his escapement gosh i make him sound like a refuge... he started showing symptoms of poisoning... vomiting lack of appetite ...

dad did everything he could actually like giving him some magic grass, brought him to visiting vets from kl who say they couldn't do anything coz they were no facilities to carry out diagnosis.. labuan vet(the vet in labuan is @@#$% STUPID!!!!!!) i know i'm not suppose to like curse but seriously they're too F^&*#^& STUPID to be spared from ostracism.. feeding him with all sorts of delicacy but it din work... em damn malay vets in labuan so damn afraid to touch dogs... don deserve to call themselves vet... suckers!!

if it not had been they're stupid owh i'm so scared to touch dogs @#$$ attitude i wouldn't have lose my child damn it!!gosh my dear baby :(

I still can remmeber the day that i was so ecstatic for his arrival.. 11 november 2003.... I was the fourth person in the family to touch him and boy was i pissed... but anyway he's a real beauty... always so pump up and crazy running about everywhere like a dog infected with rabies except the fact that he isn't...

I still remember how i would rehearse my public speaking speech close to his face and he's wag his tail and how he's sit between two stairs so he'd feel cooler..


I can still remmeber how smart he was, opening his room door to get into the house by pushing his fluffy head into a hole he slowly made from the wire covering the metal door and pulling it backwards to open it.. and how fast he learn how to roll ( he learned that in half an hour) and have lasting memory of how to do it... how he roll around our beds secretly (i can picture his evil grin) sometimes peeing on them.... how he spoiled the weighing scale by peeing on it hundreds of times...

when he was a baby his grandma, my mum use to put bananas under the kitchen table in a basket.... and soon were shocked to discover the bananas regularly had holes in them.... and one day caught the thief red handed.. he was eating them and since he was so tiny he only managed to make tiny holes in them.... and how when we peeled it and gave it to him, he refuses to eat it... he peels the banana himself =O by holding it in two paws and bitting the tip and moving his head from right to left to peel it..........

or how he'd get really constipated when he ate peanut that his grandma threw from the table..

how he use to do the olympic rounds around the living room while carrying a floor mat everytime we teased him....

how he bit me and dad when we tried to cut his nails or inject him....


gosh there's juz so much things to talk bout my baby... indeed lill panadol was a joy to the family though sometimes he causes headaches here and there.. he was definitely the best son i could hope for...

gosh this is definitely the downest moment of my life.... havin turned into a teenager 6 years ago, i never thought i'd cry like a child again... except this is a prolonged version of the loud wailing... during the loss of beethoven i cried too but at least i was there when he left... unlike panadol........ i am a bad mum.... seriously i let him down :'( how could i... how could i....... he was there for me when i had to keep moving houses in form 5 he moved with me wherever i went he went... but wherever he goes i din follow and now i can never make ammendments for that )':

gosh the baby of my life has left me broken defeated.. seriously i don't know how to explain this excrutiating pain of my heart.... i can't even say it's bleeding coz i feel as thought my heart is chopped into pieces... honestly one of the most vital assets in my life... has abandoned me..

6.30 malaysian time dad found him soaked in blood.. he vomited blood before he died... and i wasn't there :'( i left him to suffer and die alone sigh


gosh i juz can't picture seeing his room empty.. panadol u selfish child :'( how can u wrench my heart by ur absence.... i can't take it :'(
his children are now orphans... havin their mum and dad pass away... panadol's wife passed away early november 2008... sigh panadol you will always be my baby forever and ever...... you'll always be a part of me..... I love u panadol hugs and kisses....... always and always to the end... thank u to his grandpapa for getting fin's husband to bury him at the back garden of the house.. at least he'd always be close to home where baby won't be hurt anymore...

u don't know baby how broken mama feels right now... u'll never know coz u've left mama all alone....... my baby.. when u first arrived i have always told myself u'll live till ur 14 and be my ringbearer in mama's wedding... but ur gone :'( mama miss u so so much but mama will love u always eventhough u have left mama. i guess no more mother's day for me....

baby there's always be that spot in mama's heart that will always belong to you...

no matter how many times u bite mama, u'll always be the apple of my eye... take care my dear son....take care...